Quills and Quidditch
by sirius-black-oh-checkmate
Summary: "Hi," he said, the corners of his mouth turning up slightly. "McGonagall asked me to bring this. You left it behind." He was holding a quill, her quill, the same rich, chocolate brown shade of his eyes.
1. Quills and Quidditch

Kate Mills ran a hand through her hair, dark blonde and slightly messy, but it got caught halfway through. After tugging for a while, she gave up on the hand method and pulled open the deep crimson curtains surrounding her four-poster bed in Gryffindor tower. As she reached over onto the mahogany bedside table to pick up her brush, she knocked over the pocket Sneakoscope she had been intending to give to her sister for her birthday. It flew off the table and even though she was Gryffindor's seeker, she was half asleep and failed to catch it before it hit the castle floor, gave a feeble whistle, spun twice, then cracked along its side.

Not only had she now broken her sister's birthday present, she had also woken the other girls in the room. Dana almost fell out of her bed, but Lily was sitting up, laughing. Marie had, unsurprisingly, already headed down to the great hall for breakfast so she could cram in some extra study time. "Sorry," apologized Kate feebly, although she, too, was fighting back Lily's contagious laughter.

"Lily Evans," Kate's ears pricked up automatically at the sound of her friend's name as Professor McGonagall read out the register, but she tuned out again as McGonagall moved on. "Kate Mills," she said in her short, sharp, teachers voice only a small while later. Kate replied with her customary "yes Professor," wondering what today's lesson would be about. Marie would ace it, no doubt, even though it was the last, and most difficult, lesson of the day.

Vanishing (for that was what the lesson was) was difficult, and neither she, Dana or Lily made any difference to their mice, not even after taking endless notes and practicing the incantation until their heads were fit to burst. Kate was about to ask Marie to help her, but McGonagall had demanded silence apart from the one incantation, and Kate didn't want detention on this weekend, not with the upcoming Quidditch match, Gryffindor against Slytherin, which she couldn't miss or Quentin, the team captain, would have her head. When McGonagall's sharp voice announced the end of class and to practice for homework, Kate would ask Marie.

As she slid into her seat next to Dana and James Potter (who Lily claimed utter hatred upon but Kate suspected she actually quite liked him) after Transfiguration, Kate felt a gentle tap on her shoulder. She turned around on her chair and looked up into a pair of perfect, brown eyes. "Um, hi," she said, wondering what exactly Remus Lupin was doing behind her chair.

"Hi," he replied, the corners of his mouth turning up slightly. "McGonagall asked me to bring this. You left it behind."

He was holding a quill, her quill, precisely the same rich, chocolate brown shade of his eyes.

"Um… thanks!" She smiled. "You interested in Quidditch?" she asked, "just, you know, because of the match, and Quentin leaves next year, you might want to try out..."

He smiled back with a shrug, "I can fly, but I'm not sure how good my Quidditch skills are."

She nodded and pocketed the quill. "See you at the match, I guess," she said, grinning broadly though she didn't know why. He smiled a "good night," back at her and then turned to go. She wanted to stare and stare at the spot he had been, and had just begun to do so, when a tug on her robes from James, presumably to talk about Quidditch, made her slide back down into her seat and continue dinner.


	2. Broomsticks and Bludgers

Defence Against the Dark Arts was usually Kate's favourite subject but as the topic appeared on the blackboard with a mere flick of the teacher's wand, she felt a shiver of panic engulf her. Werewolves. She looked around her. No one was looking in her direction, no one whispering, staring or screaming. She breathed out a hissing sigh, and waited for all of that to suddenly happen. No one knew, no one could know. Unless this stupid substitute teacher had been listening in on some conversation around full moon, it was impossible for him to know. She forced herself to calm. After all, no one here knew except Professor Dumbledore, Lily, Dana, Marie and Kate herself. And, she reasoned, if Dumbledore had kept a secret from a whole school for five years, he wasn't about to go telling one random teacher. It was suddenly hard to swallow, though she shouldn't be that worried about it. She just didn't want anyone to know. Lily shot an encouraging glance in her direction and she smiled back weakly.

The teacher grinned a bright, fake grin and with another flick of his wand the words '_write half a roll of parchment explaining the difference between a werewolf and a human' _appeared on the blackboard.

That was easy when your sister was a werewolf. Kate finished in about five minutes.

There were only two others already done. Marie was, but that was no surprise… and so was Remus. He was staring straight ahead, looking like Kate felt, a forced calm on his face, clearly annoyed but hiding it. Why, though? Why did he have the same reaction as Kate did? Was someone in his family a werewolf? That must be it. She resumed staring resolutely at the word 'difference' on the blackboard until it made no sense at all.

Emily, Kate's twin sister, had been bitten when they ten, two days away from turning eleven. She and Kate had been on one of their insane, ten-year-old Triwizard Tournaments they made up themselves. This had been the first task; find the Sickle that their mother had hidden.

It had been a bitterly cold night and the moon, full and round, was partly obscured by shadowy clouds. Kate had looked up at it and seen an owl swooping. She remembered hoping it was something for their birthdays.

"Emily," she had said, her teeth chattering, "Do you want to do this another night? Mum will have something warm for us."

Emily looked at her. "Katie, you can't pull out of the Tournament, you know that…"

And Kate remembered thinking she was right, in the real Tournament there was no way you could pull out.

"But it's so cold…" she protested weakly, and then the clouds parted and a huge shape darted out of the bushes towards Emily.

The rest was a blur. All Kate could remember was that huge form jumping out at them, teeth bared, and Emily's screams.

Kate looked around again. Lily kept peeking over at Marie's work, trying to copy it. The word 'difference' still looked shapeless to her. She glanced back over at Remus and had the immediate thought that he, too, would not have any ability to understand the word 'difference' any more.

"All right, would anyone like to read out their paragraph?" the teacher asked, smiling brightly. Marie's hand shot up. He nodded at her, and Marie, shooting a glance at Kate, began.

Kate resumed her nervous glancing. What if someone_ had_ noticed? Dana looked over at her, and, seeing her worried face, mouthed the words "don't stress," and Lily hissed, "You've got Quidditch training tonight, think about that instead." Kate smiled vaguely, but she knew she could trust them. They weren't seeing it all through her paranoid eyes. She turned her mind to Quidditch.


	3. Hexes and Howls

"POTTER!" yelled Julian. "THE MATCH IS TOMORROW! ARE YOU COMPLETELY INSANE? YOU CAN'T BE LATE, NOT TODAY!"

James didn't even blink. "Um… sorry. Tomorrow I'll play so well you'll let me come late every time."

Julian raised an eyebrow. "And if you don't," he said slowly, "I won't let you onto the team next year."

Kate rolled her eyes and flipped her broom over so that the words _Cleansweep Seven_ faced her. James and Julian always had the same argument. Julian always gave up, and was about to do so again. She watched them with a smile on her face as Julian rolled his eyes and mounted his broom.

The sun blared in her eyes and the cold wind lashed out at her face. Kate searched for the Snitch. There it was, hovering just above Sirius's elbow. Kate leaned forwards into a dive. The wind continued to cruelly sting her eyes and chill her quite thoroughly. She sped on, though, and felt her fingers close around the Snitch. She pulled back just in time to avoid cannoning into Sirius, and then she heard a metallic sound and her world went, completely, utterly black.

…

White. There was a rather overwhelming amount of white. Kate opened her eyes a fraction more. Still white. She opened them a fraction further. White, with a splodge of red moving slightly. Her mind went immediately to blood, and she sat bolt upright. A wave of dizziness surrounded her mind and she flopped back down. "What…?" She asked, still dizzy, her heart racing. The blood cleared and reformed into… the Gryffindor Quidditch team. "Oh," she said, her heartbeat slowly returning to normal. "Where… What?"

James moved a little closer. Kate looked at his blurry figure with confusion. "You got… knocked out by a bludge And…" he looked at her, wincing, "you missed the match."

Kate's eyes widened and all the fuzz around the edges of everything cleared, and she remembered the match. "What?" she nearly shouted, "I missed the match? Are you serious? I've been looking forward to it for ages. Damn. Did we win?" she asked eagerly. James winced even more. "No. The game went on for three hours, and we were all pretty dead by the end of it. Frank had to fill in for you," he said, gesturing at a round-faced, worried looking boy the year beneath them, who grimaced and said, "I don't play much but I was the only one who volunteered. Sorry. I never even got close to catching it."

Kate smiled at him. "Don't worry about it." Her eyes turned to the huge pile of presents next to her bed. "What…?" she asked slowly. James grinned. "It's your birthday, Katie."

Kate realised that it must be. If she'd been out of it that long… yes… that worked. James leaned over and grabbed a chocolate frog from the pile. Kate was too tired to stretch out her arms and snatch it back, and plus, if she sat up the back of her head would throb painfully. So she just smiled weakly. Julian looked at her questioningly, and she nodded as best she could with her head up on a pillow. He smiled and took a frog. "Morgana," he said to James, "I've got her. Want to swap?" As the pile of frogs grew less and the noise grew more, Madam Pomfrey finally decided she had had enough and sent them all out.

**Thanks so much for reviewing, I never said this in the other chapters but I (sadly) don't own Harry Potter. Miaow. **


	4. Werewolves

"Really! No respect!" Madam Pomfrey huffed as she straightened the cover on Kate's bed. "Dear, how are you feeling?" She asked.

"Alright," replied Kate, "but I've got a bit of a headache and if I sit up everything goes blurry." Madam Pomfrey nodded and handed her a glass. "This will stop the headache," she said, "and I'll get you something to stop the blurriness."

Kate took a sip of the headache tonic and felt instantly better.

Madam Pomfrey came back in, holding another glass. "It's not going to taste nice and might feel a bit of pain or nausea, that's fine and no need to worry. It will help, though. You won't be able to eat for a while, and don't even think about rinsing out with water." Kate nodded and took the glass in her hands.

It was oddly cool to the touch. The liquid inside was clear but green swirls of smoke rose up from it, shimmering and twisting. Kate took a sip. It was bitter and made her tongue feel odd. She felt an urge to go and get a glass of water to wash it down but she remembered Madam Pomfrey's words and instead forced the rest down her throat. Gasping, she tried to sit up, but she suddenly felt dizzy and sick. She lay back down on the pillow and waited for it to pass. Her stomach twisted uncomfortably, but that discomfort suddenly turned to an intense pain. She clutched a hand to her chest, trying to gasp for air, but it felt as though her whole heart had stopped or was going so fast that she couldn't feel it.

It passed as soon as it had come. Kate sat up, this time finding it easy. The blurry edge to her vision was gone and she felt much better. For the second time that day, her heartbeat slowed to normal.

Madam Pomfrey rounded the corner again. "Are you alright, dear?" She asked. Kate nodded. Madam Pomfrey furrowed her eyebrows and looked her up and down.

"You'll have to stay overnight, that hex hasn't shown any effects yet except blurring your vision, but Potter said it was aimed right at your chest."

Kate frowned. "I was hexed? James never said… he probably forgot."

Madam Pomfrey raised her eyebrows in disapproval. "Well, you were, and it's lucky he told me. Now, I've got a suspicion it will get worse. Otherwise you're very lucky. Now, I need to go somewhere, I'll be back in about ten minutes, is that all right?" asked Madam Pomfrey. "That's fine," said Kate, and Madam Pomfrey looked her up and down, nodded and turned to leave.

Kate looked out of the window, at the clouds, hiding the moon, and she knew that Emily was at Saint Mungo's, in a closed ward. The clouds shifted a little, and in the amount of light that filtered through, Kate saw two figures running towards the Whomping Willow.

They both looked vaguely familiar, but Kate couldn't place them. The clouds shifted even more and she recognised Madam Pomfrey. So that was where she was going… had someone been injured by the tree? She sat up in the hospital bed and pressed her face up to the window.

Madam Pomfrey whipped out her wand and a jet of silver light shot at the tree, illuminating the smaller figure's face. It was Remus. Why he was going to the Whomping Willow, Kate had no idea. She saw the silvery light hit a particularly gnarled, twisted part of the trunk and the tree that had previously been swiping at the two figures stopped its attack.

The light from the moon brightened even more and she saw Remus sprint at the tree and disappear into it. Madam Pomfrey looked at it for a moment. She flicked her wand again and a jet of light flashed at the tree, and it started to move one huge branch towards her. Kate watched as Madam Pomfrey ran faster than she would have thought possible, and as the branch slammed into the ground.

Then she heard it. A loud howl ran through the air, reaching inside the castle walls. A shiver ran down Kate's spine, not only because the sound was terrifying. It was because Kate recognised that sound, heard it every full moon in the holidays when she was in Saint Mungo's. She heard it when she was waiting outside the door, knowing that behind it, her sister, her beloved sister, was turning into a monster.

Kate shuddered. The sound was unmistakeably a werewolf cry, and a familiar one. She pressed her nose against the window, and realised. Remus was the werewolf. And he had bitten Emily.


	5. A Bite and a Box

**AN: I'm sorry that it took so long, and if this chapter makes no sense tell me please because I kind of fell asleep a lot while writing it. I will try and get the next chapter to y'all sharpish. **

Kate pulled away from the window, drawing in a deep breath, the air hissing through her teeth.

Her mind hadn't quite registered what she had just thought. But it had to be. She knew that each werewolf howl sounded different. And she remembered the first one she had ever heard, and it had sounded completely identical to that one. It would make sense, how he had reacted in Defence Against the Dark Arts. But she had thought that maybe he was in the same situation as her… had a family member that was a wolf.

But the fact that the wolf that had made it impossible for her life to be normal was her friend… someone she had liked… it was something that happened in nightmares and books, not in real life.

Kate's mind was in a blank kind of shock. It wouldn't comprehend that the wolf was Lupin, Lupin was the wolf and her sister was the way she was because of him, and she barely realised when Madam Pomfrey came back into the Hospital Wing.

Tendrils of sleep tugged at her, and she so wanted to give in, to forget everything, but when she shut her eyes all she could see was that shape jumping out at Emily. Somehow, though, it came. And thankfully she had no nightmares, just blackness.

Kate started to open her eyes slowly. Everything was misty and she blinked hazily. Something seemed to be pressing down on her. Kate fully opened her eyes and screamed.

Two pairs of eyes were mere millimetres from her face.

She heard laughter, and James and Sirius grinned at each other, the picture of mischief.

She rolled her eyes, her heartbeat slowing to normal. "Why, why would you do that? How are you even in my dormitory?"

James frowned. "Kate, you're not in your dormitory, in case you hadn't noticed…"

Kate looked around. The hospital wing's whiteness became clearer, and she almost laughed. Then she burst into tears as everything rushed back.

Suddenly all laughter had left James and Sirius and they both wrapped her in giant hugs. Sobs overtook her and there was nothing she could do but lean into them both. James stroked her hair and murmured in her ear "it's going to be OK, it'll be fine, it'll be fine," while Sirius held her hand and rubbed the back of it with his thumb.

They stayed like this for a long, long time, until the sobs had subsided, and James softly asked what was wrong.

She said quietly, "You knew Emily, didn't you? You were always at those family gatherings."

"Oh god. Oh god. Kate. I… I'd… she was your sister - she was your twin sister –"

"She _is _my sister, she's still my sister, James."

"But what happened? I mean, and, believe me, I feel awful about this, Katie, but I'd. I'd…"

"Forgotten her. It's ok, James. Nearly everyone has. And it's better that way, better than the truth. And I've got to tell you now, I have to… you know the only reason I didn't tell you was because my parents said only to tell people in my dorm? Trust me, you was the first one I wanted to race off to."

"Kate, do you want me to –" began Sirius.

"No, stay. You have a right to know, you, especially, do. Sirius, I think you and Emily, you were close. You're in the background of heaps of our photos. I can't remember you that well, but I was jealous of you because Emily had a friend and I didn't. I found one in James, though, when she was in Saint Mungo's, and you were always climbing that tree while I waited for the train. But the first night, that first awful night after… she had nightmares, and I remember…" Kate trailed off, tears threatening at memories she had hidden away in her mind.

"I remember how I moved my bed right next to her and hugged her the whole night, and when she slept she screamed and screamed but couldn't wake up and then she just… she said your name, Sirius, over and over."

Sirius had turned pale, and he ran a hand through his thick, dark hair. "My god, Kate. I… she… I remember her… I was your neighbour, just for a few weeks when we were five or six… we were best friends, for those few weeks." He looked as though he might throw up.

James leaned forward slowly and looked up at Kate. "Kate… what happened to Emily?"

Kate's hear suddenly felt cold and she wanted to wrap her arms around it. She squeezed her eyes shut tightly as a tear trickled down her cheek. She felt James's thumb on her cheek wipe it away, and she opened her eyes slowly, knowing she had to tell them. "She was bitten by a werewolf… She was bitten by… by… Remus."

…..

James and Sirius stared at her for a long time, a long, long time; so long that Kate wanted to bury her face in the whiteness of the hospital wing's bed and escape their stares. It was James who spoke first, voice shaky, his eyes blinking too much. "How do you know?"

"I figured it out, it all fit together –"

"Kate, I don't care how you know what Remus is, and of course I hope with all my heart you haven't spread it around the school, which you wouldn't but, Kate, I'm serious… what do you mean he bit Emily?"

"Each werewolf cry is unique. And I've heard quite a few at Saint Mungo's but the two I could easily tell apart from all the others are Emily's and the cry I heard that night…"

"Kate," said James slowly, "We're going to have to tell Remus that you know."

Something tightened itself around Kate's heart. "I should tell him myself… but I… god, I'm too much of a coward, even for something like that."

"You're not a coward, Kate," said Sirius gently. "It's not your fault. We need to tell him, because, well… he's our friend."

"Of course you need to. I won't tell anyone about… it... but it's best that he knows, even though I should be the one to… tell him I know."

"And Kate, I'm so, so, sorry," he said, "but I'm telling him about Emily too."

Kate nodded, swallowing. "He should know that too… but, James, if he knows who… he… you know… bit…won't that…"

James looked at her sadly. "The one thing he's told us, that he hasn't told anyone really… aside from… the werewolf bit…. Is that he wants to know who it was. He knows it might hurt him, but he wants to try to make it up to them."

Kate smiled emptily at James and Sirius. A tiny part of her felt relieved that she had told them but the majority was weighed down by the possibility that she was not giving him a chance to try and make up for it, but that she was placing a huge burden upon him.

The three of them sat like that for a little longer, James and Sirius and Kate, all linked together by their hands but completely separate in their thoughts, and then the chain was broken, James stood up and Sirius with him. The two of them waved somewhat sadly at Kate, trying to affix their usual cheeky smiles onto their faces, but their masks were slipping and they knew it.

Kate lay her head down on the soft pillow and stared at the ceiling. Madam Pomfrey hurried in and said "I'm keeping you in for one more night. Just in case."

Kate just nodded.

…..

Morning dawned too soon. Monday. The day Kate had been dreading. The day she'd see how much she had hurt Remus. She sat up slowly, and moved to stand up. Madam Pomfrey popped her head out of her office. "You're free to go now. If you're feeling unwell any time in the next week, come here straight away. Oh, and someone left you something, I put it on the table next to your bed."

Kate slipped out of the bed, the floor cold on her bare feet. She changed into her robes and picked up her books. She was halfway out of the Hospital Wing when she remembered what Madam Pomfrey had said, and crossed the room back over to the little bedside table. A small package wrapped in purple tissue paper lay there. It was wrapped with a thin, satiny black ribbon. She picked it up with the sense of holding something precious, something special. A sudden urge compelled Kate and she rested her books on the table and sat cross-legged on the bed. She undid the ribbon. The satin felt smooth and almost liquid beneath her fingers. Kate undid the Spellotape and pulled the tissue paper off. Inside was a small wooden box, intricately carved with flowers, trees, mushrooms, all impossibly small. When she looked at it very closely she saw that there were tiny doors carved into the mushrooms, miniscule folds in the petals. It was beautiful. Tentatively, not knowing what to expect, she took the lid off. Inside was a sheet of paper, folded over and over. She took the piece of paper out, and saw a glimpse of something silver. She ignored it and smoothed out the paper.

_Kate,_

_I can't explain how much it hurts me. And I know I'm not the one who has the right to be hurt by it, but I am selfish, and I am hurt._

_Emily is the only one I've ever attacked, I don't know if that makes it better… or worse. It won't happen again, not to anyone. I swear, but it's already… you know._

_I am so, so, sorry. I'm the person who has made both of your lives hell and there is no way I can forgive myself. I'm not trying to make up for it in gifts. Don't take it that way, please. But I was going to give you this a while back, and it's something to remember me by. If you want those memories._

_Something so you know that at times… I'm not a monster._

_Remus_

Kate stared at the letter. Her heart plummeted and shuddered and she couldn't look at it any more. She crumpled it up, put it back in the box and walked as quickly as she could to Transfiguration, hoping that the pace of her walk could somehow keep the tears back.

How Kate made it through Transfiguration she never knew.

How could Remus think that it was completely his fault? How could he think that he didn't have the right to be hurt?

It wasn't what he had done that worried Kate. All that could be forgotten. But what did 'something to remember me by' mean? That he wasn't going to be there much longer? Did he mean he wanted to run from it all? Hide? Because all Kate wanted to do was tell him that it was fine, it wasn't his fault. And it wasn't.

Kate skipped dinner that night. She wanted to see what was at the bottom of the box, and she wanted to be able to know what to say to Remus. Alone in her dormitory, the curtains on her four-poster bed pulled shut, she opened the tiny box once more, took the piece of paper out and lifted up the silver thing. A chain, shimmering slightly. And attached to the end of it a small, silver, half-moon.


End file.
